Blessed To Bless
The “furniture fairy” has gone on holiday and I am left feeling very sorry for myself and discontent with my lot today. I'm restless and tired and no amount of mental gymnastics can satisfy the longings of my cluttered mind. None of my furniture fits in this new space.
Grateful as I am for the provision of a roof over my head and a place to call home, I find myself wandering around trying to position everything virtually, in order for it to bring balance and peace to my surroundings. I'm sulky and a tad pouty as well. I can no longer muster the required strength to rearrange my hefty pieces of "stuff” . In days past I would tackle even the most ridiculous of manoeuvres repeatedly, in order to quiet the incessant voices in my head. Many a back-breaking and toe-stubbing moment has crossed my path and many sputtered excuses for my injuries have tumbled from my lips. So here I am today, creative, inventive and resourceful trying to come up with ways to settle my abode and get on with living in it instead of feeling constantly frustrated and at odds with my surroundings.
The frustrations I sense are part of a deeper issue. Waining strength and challenging mobility has me relying on others to do what I used to do without a second thought. Personal turmoil and too many loose ends to count leave a sense of incompleteness and tatteredness, like a stray thread tickling at my skin in need of attention.
As the years slip by the priorities have changed and where appearance was once important, now function has to have its say. The torture continues as I flip to the HGTV channel and get sucked in to the “what my house should look like" programmes. Renovations on a budget. In your dreams. They simply are unrealistic and if you don't have a limit on budget, the transformations are at the very least excessive and completely functionless. While I like to maintain a clean and tidy home, the magazine perfect images oozing from the screen leave one with a subtle nagging of inadequacy and ingratitude.
Snapped once again back to reality, my house becomes less threatening and more welcoming than I realized. I have everything I need right here. Offering an inaudible prayer, I utter a word of thanks for all that God has provided for me and as I glance around the room, the blessings are evident and abundant.
My house is crowded because we are caring for a prodigal. My house is crowded because we have been blessed with many, many beautiful possessions that have accumulated over time and my house is crowded because it is jam-packed with the love of God in every single corner. The more I have given away, the more He has given back. You simply can't out give God.
As in times past, when I find myself feeling discontent or restless, I usually find someone else to bless. Freeing up a space in my home not only blesses another, but blesses me too. It's hard to explain what happens when we open up our hearts and begin to let go of the “stuff". I've always believed that I am blessed to be a blessing. I consider it an honour and a privilege when I am used as a " middleman” to bless someone with something I bought. I always chuckle at the precise moment I realize the item wasn't intended for me but for someone else. When I begin to look at my belongings as gifts for others, the stress and strain melts away and is replaced with the eager anticipation of waiting for God to show me who the item is for. Sometimes I get to enjoy the item for a little while and sometimes their impact is fleeting. Either way, it does bring me a tremendous amount of joy to know I was part of the process.
The pouty face is smiling now, understanding that it's time to let go and give away again. I don't yet know the item or the recipient, but I do know it will be good. Peace has returned to my space and more importantly, my heart.